Inspired by my life & Gabby Bernstein
This blog post is not only for you to drop the judgment, it is also for me, it is for everyone. It’s my reflection of life.
I’m writing this article today, as someone close to me has been judging another person close to me for the last three years. This created a feeling of being torn, of disruption within me. Now, this morning, the said judgment has been dropped. And I instantly felt such a big relief. Tears were shed. I smiled. And my heart filled up with even more love.
Stop the vicious circle
This incident made me realise stronger than ever just how quickly we judge others. And then once we realise we judged someone else, we judge ourselves for having judged. What a vicious circle!
I’m sure we all struggle with judgment every single day. That’s okay. However, let’s make an effort all together to show more love, openness and compassion to the people surrounding us and to ourselves! We won’t be able to change our behaviour within one day, but how about taking the first step?
The first step: Notice & feel
The first step for anything relating to personal development is always to be honest with yourself and to notice any judgment patterns that you may have. Notice, when you judge. Notice, what you judge. Notice, how you judge. Notice, why you judge. Notice the feelings arising. Feel!
The second step: Understand
The second step is to understand the associated feelings with judgment. This goes hand in hand with the reasons for judging. Very often, judging another person or behaviour makes us feel better, at least for that moment. In a way, judgment is a result of comparisons. Since we compare ourselves to others a lot thinking that others might be ‘better’ at something, ‘smarter’ or ‘prettier’, we start the judgment process, mostly to protect ourselves. Instead of accepting that yes, there are other people out there who might be ‘better’ at something, we almost automatically jump into the process of judgment.
‘She never managed this on her own.’ ‘He is only successful because of his parents.’ ‘I’m sure she had surgery.’
Sounds familiar? Why can we not accept others for who they are. Why can we not accept and love ourselves just the way we are. Why do not embrace our individuality? Why do we strive for meaningless competitiveness? Why are we so harsh on ourselves?
If, whilst reading this, you reflect on my words…
Stop judging yourself.
Life is not just black and white.
Begin with noticing. Continue with feeling. Go on with understanding.
The third step: Heal
In order to heal judgement, we need to start a transformation from the inside out.
- Move to love. Accept what is for yourself and others.
- Move to individuality & authenticity. Accept that everyone is different.
- Move to your true self. Feel the relief once you’ve returned to your truth.
Be kind to yourself though and be clear that it’s difficult to be judgment free all the time. What counts is how quickly you notice judgment and move through the steps above.
I just know that this practice holds so many ‘goodies’ for us. Less tension, more ease and peace, relief, freedom, more love and compassion and most importantly for me:
Happiness from the inside out.
If you truly want to live a happier life, I invite you to to join my workshop Feel Understand Heal in Munich on Friday, 8th June, 6-9pm. Click here for details.
Let’s do this journey to love, light and happiness together.
Yours, Nina
NINA SADLOWSKY 