A moving life

This blog post refers to the great German podcast of Benjamin Bulach “Finde deinen eigenen Weg” / “Find your own way”. It was so much fun. Thank you, Ben.

https://soundcloud.com/benjamin-bulach/folge-5-ein-leben-in-bewegung-mit-nina-sadlowsky

I came across a post on Facebook, where Ben was looking for people to interview in his podcast, people with a different CV, people who changed their direction in life. I found that very appealing, which is why I instantly wrote Ben, that I’d be more than happy to support him and tell my story in his podcast.

Since the podcast has been recorded in German, I will do my best to write a summary of the podcast episode here, in English.

B: How did you know that what you’re doing is not right for you anymore?

N: In my first marketing job, I realised that I hardly had any time for myself, I had headaches quite often, my shoulders were aching, so I had quite a few physical signs that I was not at my best. And I thought at 28 years old, that can’t be right. That is not the life I want to live.

B: And how did you then realise that you want to change directions? 

N: That actually took some time and a U-turn. At the time, I thought the issue was the job and it certainly was from a stress level, but I also realised when I changed my job then, that this was not right either. Whilst my first job was too intense, the next one was a bit too boring. It was a long dream of mine to be an actress, and hence I applied to various acting schools in Germany and I got accepted by all 4 schools that I had applied to. So, I felt reassured that my feelings were right and that I held a potential that was waiting to be unleashed. So, I quit my job and visited an acting school in Munich.

But, I also realised that the job issue was only one side of the medal, but that in fact I missed my boyfriend at the time, as we were having a distance relationship. The topics love and relationship were apparently bigger than I thought.

B: Ok, and how did your environment react when you decided for the acting school?

Well, there were some people who were really excited for me and encouraged me to go ahead with my plan, but then there were people, especially my family, who raised concerns over leaving my safe job in marketing and about my financial situation. I heard the word Must a lot. You must have a job, you must work, you must must must. And I suddenly thought “Do I? Must I?” I started questioning things.

B: And then, how did you realise that the acting school suits you more than the classical marketing job?

N: Well, that is an interesting question. I did the acting school for only 5 months in the end, as again I missed my boyfriend at the time and when he decided to move to London, I moved to London, too. I think looking back I just needed the acting school as a way to break out, to leave the marketing world behind for the time being. And it really was the kick off for me to feel myself properly again, to get an idea of who I really am and who I really want to be. I also realised that sitting in an office the entire day is not what I want. I’m naturally someone who likes moving and exploring. And the acting school gave me the opportunity to explore myself and to unfold my personality in many directions. So maybe the acting school served as a kick off for my personal development.

B: Were you always someone who needed to feel herself?

N: Yes, definitely. Since age 4 I’ve been dancing the ballet, jazz dance, and Latin dances. I always moved and I need movement in my life. Movement helps me to feel myself and be in my highest alignment. Without movement, I am not in flow. But I love flowing.

B: And then when you lived in London, you decided to travel a bit further, right?

N: Yes, that’s right. My boyfriend and me broke up at the end of 2014 and 6 months later I was in a new relationship with my colleague. By the way, I worked in a marketing job back then that I really loved, until we were sold to a German company. So, after 3 years in the job, I quit and I said to my bf that I always wanted to go travelling through Latin America when I’d quit my job next time. And he replied that he was in and so we planned our adventure together. After 2 months of travelling, he broke up with me. I was shattered and thought I was in the wrong movie. It woke me up, not gently, but it did. I started thinking about me, my life, about the reasons of what had happened. My sadness quickly converted into anger and that intense feeling helped me to overcome my sadness by redirecting my anger into positive energy. I then decided to continue my travels alone; my first thought was indeed that I will be doing that on my own and that I won’t let someone destroy my dreams.

B: What helped you most in that situation?

N: Basically the fact that I can trust my intuition. I had a strong feeling that my travels were only about to start, but of course there were voices telling me to come home, and also there was my inner voice speaking to me, but I simply knew, that my first thought and gut feel was right and that I needed to travel on my own. Of course I heard my head and my heart constantly fighting, but my heart voice won. Luckily!

B: What were your main insights from your travels?

N: Definitely that I realised that I can trust my intuition and my heart. Hence, I am now able to shorten the inner conflict of head and heart. If I listen … Also, courage. I was quite courageous during my trip and that’s definitely something I want to keep up, as I think it is incredibly important to be brave, to be open-minded, to be communicative, simply to approach people I don’t know (yet). It is a beautiful feeling. And finally, I realised how important it is to live your true self and this is hence my last insight from my travels, that I want to keep going on this path of personal growth expressing my true self. To focus on what I want and what I need. Self-love is the key word in this context. It’s essential to practice self-love as only then we can spread love and serve others.

B: Talking about self-love, I would also like to talk with you about yoga, meditation and physical work in general. I personally find it quite difficult to be still and meditate and since you are a lively person, too, how did you ease into it? How did you start?

Yes, indeed, that’s not so easy. I actually got in touch with meditation for the first time when I visited a yoga retreat in Gran Canaria in 2015. I just couldn’t sit still, not even for a minute. I couldn’t bear the stillness. I got hot & restless, I had to move all the time, it wasn’t nice to realise that I wasn’t able to sit still. It made me think. And so I started meditating for a minute and gradually increased my meditation time. But I had my real breakthrough in Mexico at the end of my travels when I visited another yoga retreat. The combination of the sea, the sand, the beach and the right people surrounding me helped me to let go and to run along with it. That doesn’t mean that everyone needs to travel to Mexico now in order to find their way into meditation, but it means to give it a try, and not to overwhelm yourself. Just start with a one minute meditation and gradually raise it to 10/15 minutes, depending on how long you wish to meditate for. The most important thing is to do it daily. Rather meditate every day for only 5 min than trying it once a week for 15 minutes. It won’t work. It’s difficult to sit still for 15 minutes, if you never meditated before and if you are a lively person by nature. So, you need to be patient with yourself and practice. I can now meditate for 15 minutes and longer and yes, of course I have days where my thoughts are still wandering, too, but I notice it quicker and hence I can bring my focus back to my breath way quicker. It also helps visualising that you observe yourself from above, how you sit there on your mat or cushion. It gives the mind something to do, which means you can focus on your breath. Worth trying.

B: And how does yoga and meditation go together for you? How are these two connected?

N: They are strongly connected. Yoga is meditation. And actually I only found my way into meditation through yoga. I’m a person who needs to move first before being able to rest and I’m sure many people can resonate. Practicing asanas on your yoga mat is meditation and everything else around you dissolves. Now after years of practice I can also rest without the physical exercise.

B: Great. What are your plans now relating to yoga, meditation and coaching?

N: Meditation is something I’ve really incorporated in my life. And yoga is so much more for me than the practice on the mat, it’s about being mindful and connected with yourself. Of course, I want to continue teaching yoga, I would like to hold yoga retreats and workshops globally. In April, I will furthermore start a coaching education. Hence, my goal is to combine these themes and to complement them with essential oils as well. I really want to build my own business doing what I love. Living a life that I love.

B: Imagine you would meet your younger self, little Nina. What would you tell her?

N: I would tell her to trust herself. Listen to your heart and switch off the voices outside, as best as you can. Trust that your decision and the ways you are attracted to have their right to exist. Everything makes sense looking back, everything has its positive side. Trust me. Sometimes we need triggers to leave our comfort zone, and whilst it might hurt at the time, these triggers can catapult you to a totally different level. Also, look inside yourself, find silence, find peace, switch off, spend alone time, don’t fear alone time. Give your emotions the chance to come up.

Just imagine you are a crystal and the crystal is completely covered in dust, and gradually you blow off the dust, bit by bit, layer by layer and your true self is being revealed.

B: That’s a wonderful picture, thank you. What would you recommend people how they can find silence if they simply don’t know how…

N: That is difficult. But I’d say one approach is if you really want to change something, then you will. For example start by taking 30 minutes every Sunday, which are just for you, reading, drinking tea, sitting in a cafe, taking a bath. Whatever it may be, do it for yourself and alone. Or sometimes if a change is triggered by external factors, then listen to yourself and your body what it is you need and acknowledge it accordingly. For example you feel tired and exhausted then take some time out, a day, a few hours or whatever you can do to find back to your inner peace. Don’t lie to yourself and really listen. Our body speaks to us and most people are great at hiding and covering up the symptoms and feelings, but exactly then it’s so important to have access to yourself and listen to what your conditions and emotions are telling you. And if you do listen, beautiful things will be revealed.

B: Like you know my podcast is called Find Your Own Way. And of course, there are always different paths to take. What paths do you want to take?

N: I have definitely visualised my future life. In terms of business, I want to build upon yoga, coaching, meditation and essential oils. From a private point of view, well I’m single at the moment, but I do wish for a beautiful relationship with a guy who is on a similar way or is at least open to accompany me on my way. I also see that I’ll have a house by the sea and that I work from there. Nina sitting by the sea, with her husband and her laptop writing articles, her blog, teaching yoga, and so much more, with the picture of living a dream of freedom, happiness and love. I do know that there will still be obstacles along the way, but I also have the confidence that I will master them, based on my experiences, my knowledge and my growth. There will always be obstacles, but it’s important to know that we all have the capabilities to overcome them and succeed.

B: Thanks so much, a beautiful picture to finish on. It will be very interesting to see where you stand in 10 years time. Thank you, Nina, for being here. Dear listeners, I hope you’ll find your dream picture, too. All the best for you. 

N: Thank you, Ben. Ciao.

 

What do you want?

I had booked a 5 day yoga retreat in Tulum, Mexico, with the intention to become calmer and to move out of my head and into my heart. The retreat took place in the hotel Yoga Shala, which turned to be one of my favourite places to stay in Tulum.

The retreat greatly combined yoga with meditation and coaching input. One day, we spent the entire morning looking at different areas in our life. The task was to dream the best imaginable scenario in each area and to write down a few sentences.

The areas we looked at were:

  • Truth – Communication – Listening
  • Intuition
  • Connection to Higher Power
  • Sexual – Sensual
  • Will – Power – Self Worth
  • Love – Heart

I still have all my (pink) notes from that day. Looking at them now approximately one year later is so powerful. And I notice one thing amongst them all. It’s all about connection. It has been back then and it is still now with an even stronger feeling.

For me, the first point was majorly about having enriching, inspiring and authentic conversations with people where I can be the best listener without any expectations or boundaries. Where I’m truly present in that moment. This is still true for me now. I’m still practicing paying full attention during a conversation though, as sometimes I can still be distracted.

Intuition was all about connecting with my heart and my gut feel, as it will speak the truth, always. This is still true for me now and I’m getting better each and every day, but there are still moments where I overhear my intuition and just go with what I should do instead of what I would like to do.

Connection to higher power was about being my own Goddess and feeling amazing with myself at all times. This is not my truth anymore. I remember that I was lost on that one during the session, as I’m not religious, and I simply didn’t know what I wanted to be connected to. So I guess I just wrote something. However, I do know now. I feel connected to the universe and the more I trust myself, others and the world, the better my life seems to develop.

Sexuality and sensuality was strongly linked to love during the retreat and it is still now. I do believe that the moment you indulge sexually, you indulge emotionally. Because we all want to feel connected, we all want to feel loved.

Will, power and self-worth were all about being heard as much as possible and being able to express my authentic me. This is still true for me now. If I can express myself, I feel great, I am authentic and I love myself.

Love was probably the most relevant area for me. And it is still now. I want to become an endlessly loving person that gives love, but doesn’t expect it back. A person who is able to let go. At the end of the day, we all live for love!

Now, it’s your turn. Make yourself comfortable with a beautiful notebook and a nicely coloured pen (mine are pink of course) and write down a few sentences to each of the areas, without thinking too much, just write down what comes to your mind first. Let your heart lead the process.

Once you have completed this, continue with the following questions:

  • What do I want?
  • Why? Which feeling would I like to feel when I get what I want?
  • What will happen for me, if I create this change in my life?

Your answers will guide you to your purpose of existence. If the answers are strong enough, they will be your key motivation to live the life you really want.

Yours, Nina

 

Give yourself permission

These 3 words mean a lot to me. They have touched me right in my heart. They left me speechless and wiser.

These 3 words stem from my Reiki healer whilst spending my last weeks of my Latin America journey in Mexico. What I am writing here is obviously very personal, however, I feel the urge to share my experiences & feelings with you, as I’m sure, many of you will resonate with them. And I’d be more than happy to know that I’ve given you at least one Aha-moment.

When I arrived in Tulum for my yoga retreat back in October 2016, one of the yoga teachers recommended a massage therapist with spiritual background. Only this description fully hooked me and I booked a session right away. In my 1st session, I honestly expected a full body massage with a bit of therapeutic and spiritual inspiration, however it turned out completely different and better than anything I would have expected.

Without talking to the Reiki healer about my current life situation, my emotional pain and my lack of orientation, he immediately sensed my pains and restrictions, just by moving his hands over my body without touching me. Only by feeling my energetic blockades in my body. He stopped in my chest and heart area a few times as well as on my hips. I’ve been experiencing severe hip tightness before my trip and I was hoping that this guy could help me.

And whilst we all hope that physical pain comes exactly from that same area, we all know, that we must dig a bit deeper in order to understand the real origin of physical pain. In my case, my hip tightness was caused by emotional pain. Heart pain. Pain that I had not released yet, but instead had put it into my hips over months. The Reiki healer explained that we often tend to store all emotional pain, especially heartache, in our hips. And when he said that I could feel his words right in my heart. I had goose bumps everywhere. I felt really hot and sweaty, as the energy started to flow again after a long period of time. And of course, it made sense after a broken 10-year relationship and another break up in Latin America that my energy didn’t flow freely anymore. I think it’s fair to say that this is quite a lot to digest. Don’t get me wrong now, I don’t ask for your sympathy.

This post is more about allowing ourselves to feel the pain we are feeling, whenever we do feel pain. We mustn’t hide it in order to be strong. No. We are allowed to be weak as well. It is okay to feel sad, emotional, hurt and lost. I realised in this moment that I had kept myself together for so long, as I felt like I had to perform and that with the feelings of pain I couldn’t do so. So, I basically became pain resistent to be able to manage my life, which had to continue. I had to manage my work and finances, I had to manage a move, I had to keep myself busy at least for a certain period of time. In a way there wasn’t enough time to take care of myself. Or in other words, I didn’t allow myself to take care of myself.

As the session with the Reiki healer continued that day, there was another big emotional moment for me. He said that I could feel that I am different and that I have a strong connection to something superior than me, but that I wasn’t allowing myself to be different, because of fear. Fear for rejection, fear for the reaction of others. Fear to stand out, fear to outgrow other people in my life. Fear to be the best version of myself.

He urged me to come back from my head into my heart and to give myself permission to trust my intuition and feelings again. A door I had left closed for some time.

Give yourself permission to be the best version of yourself.

This moment felt like game-over and reset at the same time. I felt caught and relieved.

That day (24/10/2016) was my breakthrough. I knew this was only the beginning of something wonderful. What started as a journey through Latin America turned into a journey to myself. And I’m so grateful it did.

Yours, Nina